Saturday 11th May

The morning of…

Mallorca day has arrived, although that doesn’t mean I was up at an ungodly hour, for a change. I left Pip snoozing but as the clock hit 6, I pulled the curtains tighter to block out the light for Pip and snook downstairs.

I was hot with a bit of bitter jealousy this morning, as last night was a good night to see the northern lights, and I’d slept right through it – I certainly realised that when checking Instagram.

It’s Jules’s stag do today, which I’m missing. It seems right up my street – a round of go-karting, followed by drinks and board games at his house. I wished him well, then laced up my shoes after a coffee and a banana.

It was 14° by 8 am, so got out on a run early doors. Plenty of folk milling around the park, so I decided to keep it local and do a few odd laps of it. I rarely stay in the park for a run, but run through it, so it made for a nice change.

It was all tiptoes from me once home, as Pip to sleep through as long as she could. Rest up, shower and off to Aldi to get a weekly shop in for when I’m away. That meant a regular shop, just with fewer mushrooms and Tuna, and more snack bars for Pip at work.

As a breakfast treat, I got us some little pasties, which we scoffed together, leaving more crumbs that you can shake a stick at on the sofa.

I headed over to Nick’s after lunch and my packing fears were quelled. He had a big enough case, and we’d got roughly similar, with a small square spare and kilo to play with. Rory sat in for a moment, but we decided against taking him. He can wait a few weeks when they’re going back to Mallorca for Lucy’s 30th.

Over to Harrys

Watched half an hour of bike racing before Lucy and Nick picked me up. At 1330 on the dot, Lucy pulled up, Nick in the front seat and a snoozy Rory in the back next to me. We drove over to Harry’s, where Nina was sitting in the garden with Roamy and Pacho. Their living room was set up for a 30th party Nina was having over the weekend

Not long after, Benny and Matt arrived and the process of decanting luggage began for Benny. On the way to the airport, we had the windows down in Matt’s car trying to combat the 23 degrees outside. Manchester for 1515, ready for a flight that was delayed until 1820. A new all-time early for me!

Through security without a hitch, aside from Harry leaving his phone(s) on the trays! I went for my usual meal deal – chicken sandwich, Dr pepper, and hula hoops, only this time without Pip, which felt odd not comparing and contrasting.

Our flight was delayed by an hour, making an already late flight a little bit later, but today is a purely travel day so it’s all good. Boarded the plane for 7, instead of taking off at 6. One bonus though – we managed to wangle the extra legroom exit seats. Wheels off the ground by 1925. I had a bit of a moment with the businessman sitting next to me – as he pulled out his iPad to take a picture out of the plane, It defaulted to a selfie, meaning I caught a giant picture of myself in the bottom right of his screen, as I glanced over.

Touchdown

Touchdown at 2245 local time, after 20+ games of Aces up. Could be a long night, ahead, we were all thinking. After getting our luggage, which happened to be at Carousel 19, right at the furthest point of the airport, we all hungrily purchased baguettes and pasties from an expensive airport shop and then waited for our minibus to take us to the hire car location. They picked us up in a bare-bones people carrier drove us over, and then charged us €30 for our late arrival. A bit frustrating but it shouldn’t be aimed at them. After loading into the hire care, luggage piled in the boot with a precarious parcel shelf balanced atop it all, Harry put on some chilled beats from Ben Bomber as we ventured into the 40-minute drive through the dark to our villa in our not-so-dark Quashqui. It wasn’t a smooth arrival, however. We followed the SatNav to a road, and confidently pulled down it, only to be surprised to see a woman nonchalantly walking past us in a fancy dress – bearing in mind this is a few km from anywhere, 1 am and supposedly our villa! We pressed on to the bottom of the path where it became apparent we were gatecrashing a wedding. Our driveway must be the opposite side of the thin stone wall we could see. Harry tackled a tight 3-pointer with the odd wedding guest helping him.

Scuttling back up the drive ready to almost U-turn and back down the other side of the wall, the police arrived. We wondered if we were getting found out for Trespass but they weren’t interested in us.

We got to our Villa just after 1 pm, but being dark there was nothing to report. All in, unpacked, a few showers and straight to bed!

Sunday 12th May

Day 01 (or, 02) in Mallorca. I woke up at 7 ish and sat outside for a while – even at that time, without a breeze, it was perfectly comfortable. None of us could get ahead of the day by making everyone coffee or breakfast since we had nothing but a bottle of water, but that’s the first task to be resolved today.

The birds make themselves known out here. Cheep cheep all morning, and they massively outnumber the birds back home.

Matt woke up not long after me. He’s a wealth fund manager so we had a great long chat about his role, finances and all that entails.

Food shop

First on the agenda was a food shop. Over to Lidl, we went, with a plan to get food, but not much by way of ‘What’. We all poured items into the trolley, still hungry for breakfast. A dangerous combo. After an expensive bill and a bit of decanting from conveyor to trolley, trolley to car, and car to kitchen via the window (genius) we stuck some Moby on, and all settled in for breakfast.

Eggs, oats, apricots, orange juice coffee, bread. The works. There was a military cleanup operation after, as we hastily put breakfast behind us and bike collection ahead.

We all wore various bits of cycling kit – mainly bib shorts and shoes and civvies up top. Pick up was smooth – a few tweaks of saddles, and pedals and we were away. Harry dropped us and drove his bike back, while we pedalled the 2 miles home.

Today’s ride was the Lighthouse – Cap Formentor. It’s quite a common ‘first-day ride’ in Mallorca. An out-and-back undulating and beautiful trip to a lighthouse on the northeastern most peak of the island. The route was far from quiet though, at midday on a Sunday. Out, back and straight into Tollos for refreshments. 5 beers, 3 pizzas, 2 chips and 1 chap walking past in full cycling kit but with no shoes. Power bonk.

We nipped back to Pro Cycle hire after to sort out the pedal issue I’d been having. All sorted.

We wanted some extras, so I led everyone to Cals Sant Vincenc. A gorgeous little cove dead end just north of Pollenca. I know it as ‘Bernie’s Beach’ since when I came a few years back with my Dad and his friends, he ventured off and found it. Hence, Bernie’s Beach.

Once back, we didn’t waste time in getting out for a Bric run w/ Harry, Benny & Matt, but Matt was on his bike, filming and playing tunes.

Leg loosener

Warm, easy, 4 miler to loosen the legs, followed by an immediate jump in the pool, which was exactly as freshening but not as cold as we all thought it would be. The rest of the evening played itself out, as we synced rides to Matt’s Garmin to save him being nalless.

It was at this point we found the flat tyre in the car. Clear as day – back left. We’d hit some glass the day before, but only now was the evidence of that showing itself.

After topping up the tyre with the small electric pump in the car, we took ourselves down to Port Pollenca, squeezed into a street spot and headed down a busy street towards Tirano Street food. A round of olives, water, 2 litres of sangria and an Alioli smashed burger kept us all sustained as we mulled over the day. A stray cat was a repeat visitor to our table and the restaurant. It would stretch its little black paws up on the door frame, innocent as they come, before being fed scraps of ham and leftover restaurant fodder before looping around and coming back a few moments later.

Inspired by the cat, we paid up and looped around to a local ice cream parlour for a round of gelato. I went for Kinder and Cheesecake. A combo that didn’t quite work but individually was okay.

We limped home on the deflating tyre and had a few moments before bed.

Monday 13th May

To Andratx

Earliest wake-up of the trio today. 6 am for a 715 bus and an entire table of meats, bread, eggs, porridge, avocado, berries coffee and honey to start. Can’t skip the essentials.

We had wheels down by 0701, pretty much bang on time, then zoomed over to Cabot Park and Spa hotel, where I’d stayed the year prior. We arrived at 0710, to be at the back of a queue of cyclists waiting to get their bikes loaded into a double-decker trailer.

They managed to pack a sizeable bundle of bikes into a humble-looking trailer.

By quarter to 8, we were on our way to Andratx. Today’s ride was a different one: bus out to Andratx, at the northwester points, then we ride home, over Puig Major, all over the northern edge of the island through the mountains before ending 70 miles later in Pollenca. Not the biggest say, but 8,000 feet of climbing over any distance will test the legs.

After a pickup in Alcudia, we headed up the island, discussing the main climb on the route – Puig Major – 7.51 miles, 2400ft, 6% AVG.

One Scouse chap shouted “Can you put the heating on? It’s fucking freezing down here” to which the whole bus went quiet, then unanimously disagreed that it was a nice temperature.

We got off the bus, collected out bikes from the trailer and found a coffee shop after just 0.3 miles of riding. 5 coffees, 5 croissants and some water later and we finally hit the road proper.

0.3 mile Cafe

The Garmin stated 9 climbs, with climb 8 being the big daddy. We took it in turns to have little digs and punches of the top to be first up. Ended up being an even comp.

The cafe we had planned at Deiá turned out to be closed, so we pivoted to a better one and sat down to compare stories and the pain in our legs over 5 cokes, 5 coffees, burritos, chips and water. The waitress took a liking to Matt and sparked up a little joke about “Something else?” Every time she came over, we’d keep asking for another Coke or more chips or something. It soon died but she seemed to be enjoying herself

We split into two groups for the climb. The whole day was a climb, but this one hits differently. 9 miles, 3k feet, 6% average. A monster, from our perspective. We were apart for sections of it but all finished together. Interestingly, I was 2 seconds off a PB, which on a 50-minute climb is impressive.

We enjoyed the swooping descents, getting comfier on our bikes, and pit-stopped at a roadside cafe for ice creams before pressing on with the 20-mile (mostly downhill) home, which was tough graft with the headwinds. I love the descent of Col De Femenina, but this was the hardest one I’ve done with the wind.

Jump in the pool

It’s only fair to jump in the pool after a day like that. Cups of tea, crisps, any snack we can find and scoff it all by the pool before heading out to the supermarket for meats and stuff for tonight’s BBQ. We developed a puncture on day 01, with the car, so now there’s a daily ritual of pumping up the tyre to 2.3 bar before we go anywhere. Annoying, but saves paying for a new tyre on a hire car.

Jump in the pool, dry off, beer on the lounger, cup of tea and a FaceTime with Pip closed off another good day.

Tonight was a BBQ night, meaning another trip to the supermarket. We jostled between Lidl and Eroski, as one was better for condiments and bits and bobs, and the other was primed for meat.

Once back, we all slotted into our roles. Nick tackled the table, I lit the BBQ Harry sorted the meats, whilst Matt and Benny jumped on washing up, Mash and sorting the variety of supporting dishes. It was a pretty impressive spread for an impromptu decision. The aim of the game was carbs and protein to support the next day.

We were all exhausted by half 9, so after a quick and dirty ‘tidy up’ we headed off to bed.

Tuesday 14th May

Sa Calobra ride today, which calls for a late start and a big breakfast. We still wanted to be going down it before 11, so a half-7 getup suited us.

The usual teamwork breakfast spread perked us up, followed by the individual efforts to get ready.

The goal was to be at the summit before 11 to avoid the buses, but that plan didn’t work. The wiggly 6-mile ascent up to the petrol station before Sa Calobra scarpered our efforts, and we ended up at the summit for half 11, only now in a rain shower. It wasn’t heavy enough to affect us, but it made the roads like ice.

Wet descents

At the top, a few hesitant cyclists waited to go down, whilst others earwigged on stories of cyclists who’d descended and branded it an ice rink. The boys took off, whilst I (naïve to the slippery roads at this point) gave it as long as I could before the next bus arrived. After one went past, a lady on what looked like a folder bike darted after it screaming “Bus, bus, bus, bus” – she seemingly had the exact opposite approach to me.

We all gingerly descended behind a bus, and after a pretty sketchy slide on a hairpin, I knocked it back a few mph and nursed my brakes down. Sore hands are better than road rash.

At the cafe at the bottom, which was the busiest I’ve ever seen and awash with cyclists and tourists alike. 5 sets of paella, coke and chips made us heavier but fulfilled

Chasing PRs

I turned my route off, in the hopes of the PR segment function popping up, which it did. I could now gauge my effort based on my prior PR, but also saw Tom Pidcocks KOM, which after ⅓ of the climb I was 8 minutes down on.

I caught Harry after a mile or two, and we pressed on together, overtaking some familiar faces we’d seen at the cafe and from the slippery descent. 57 seconds better than my PB from this 2022. I’ll take that.

After the ascent, there’s an undulating section followed by a lovely downhill into Pollensa. We chilled by the pool, discussing segments, and the day went, by before getting out for an almost-brick run. 5 miles with Benny, Harry and Matt in the sun, on a new route, which took us around the lanes a little more.

We used the leftovers from the BBQ for tea and had a tomato pasta with a burger and sausage chopped into it. Bread, wine, brie, guacamole, the works.

We were early to bed again, as tomorrow was jokingly branded a ‘Rest day’ despite it now being our longest ride of the trip.

Wednesday 15th May

Rest day. Just not from the miles, only the climbing. After days of 6,7,8k feet of climbing, we wanted a flat ride. The flattest one we could find was South towards Santanyí, via Fentalux. Harry had been there on holiday the year prior, so it was interesting for him to see it again. Two very different holidays overlap.

The first 15 miles were a slog. Tired legs, all along the coast to Alcudia then south into the mainland with what felt like a headwind. The good thing was, aside from a few drops here and there, we all rode together.

The slightly undulating but comparatively flat route took us through a couple of towns I recognised, and finally through Fentalux and through to Santanyí.

It was quite surreal, arriving there. The entire day, we’d been through and off, pushing the wind with the occasional conversation but mostly just the 5 of us and the road – when we arrived, this little town was bustling with live, crammed streets, market stalls, and a singer on the corner attracting a crowd. Suddenly we were faced with packed streets, trying to push our bikes through it all. Overwhelming isn’t the word, but it was… Sudden and different.

Change of pace

The market made the town hard to navigate, but it’s cool to see. Somehow we bagged a table for 5 at Tapas by Val, right in the middle. A friendly German owner greeted us, sat us down and took our orders for cokes, coffees, water and 5x fried bread sandwiches which didn’t stick around for long.

After an hour or so, we tackled the return leg, only this one with a bit more climbing and a touch more mileage. We got some wet roads after 20 miles or so, which was an omen. Just as we hit Pina, we found ourselves caught in the rain. Name that song.

By mile 76 we hit Sineu, where we’d planned our second stop for coffee. Thank god we did, as no sooner had Sa Mola coffee sat us down and taken our coffee and cake order, did the heavens open. Started as a drizzle, then a downpour retreated a touch.

We tried to ‘wait it out’ but eventually decided we’d get wet from the roads anyway, so let’s just head out.

The next 5 miles were quiet, wet and tasted like grit. We pressed on through on and off rain, rotating through on the front (which was now more appealing given there’s no spray up there).

We got back with a very tough and fast last 5 miles, made all the sweeter by it being Benny and Matt’s first every century. Quite a special way to bag it.

Out for tea

After showering, we jumped in the car (freshly pumped) and into Pollenca itself. As we parked, the heavens opened again, so we hugged the wall to shelter from the rain for the 800m walk to the central square, where we hid in Monkey Bar with 5 beers to shake the rain off and discuss the day.

After half an hour or so, we ventured out again to Oh! Vermut, a local tapas bar, for food.

It was really good, just enough to satisfy us, but not so much that it took gelato off the menu, which was next, followed by a brief wander around the town.

Back to the car, back to the villa, (almost) straight to bed.

Thursday 16th May

After the rain yesterday and the slight promise of rain today, we were relieved to wake up to clear skies and a changed weather forecast. Today was supposed to be the big daddy – 3 monasteries route. 131 miles and 8k feet of climbing, however tired legs and an afternoon dropoff at the bike shop put a stop to it and altered it to the ‘Orient’ ride. A favourite of mine that I wasn’t sad to be changing plans to. It did, however, mean another ascent of Puig Major. However, with that comes another chance at a PB. I synced the Puig Major segment so it was on my Garmin ready to rock and roll after lunch.

Splits in the peloton

Benny and Matt set off first, giving themselves a headstart so they would be waiting for us at the cafe, not the other way around.

With tired legs and a couple of ups and downs, it was slow progress for the first 20 miles, but we spotted Matt’s bike plonked outside a shop in the middle. of Inca, so spun round to say hello, before trying to get some Dates from the same shop.

Nick went in first, and I told him to say “Tiene algo dates?”. This led to some shrugging, some repeating, looking around and eventually coming out to get me to help. My Spanish is okay, but I don’t know what the Dates are! I tried to ask again, but it was only the word “Dates” that was throwing the shopkeeper off. I wrote it down for her, then she put it into Google translate. I could see on her screen it translated to ‘Cita’ which I knew meant the event-based version of the word. I hastily told her in broken Spanish that we didn’t mean that – not a romantic restaurant date, but “Como la fruta”.

Then, we got it. Dátiles! Hidden under a cloth in a box on the counter. ‘Un media bolsa de dates’ later, and we headed off to chase down Matt and Benny again, this time with jersey pockets stuffed full of dates.

Orient

We pressed on, up Col de Orient and into Orient for a coffee at a lovely cafe Hotel Dalt Muntanya where I saw Jim Radcliffe with his cronies a few years earlier. After a few coffees and a regroup, we headed off to tackle the shaded switchbacks up and down Col de Honor – a gorgeous climb, that saw us catch and pass a whole bunch of Lake District riders.

Not long after, we approached the road where the cars go straight through a tunnel, 7km to Soller, and the bikes climb 1000ft and 16km over the top to Soller. Switchbacks and hairpins scattered all over the ascent and the descent, and a cheeky sighting of an alopecia rider on the descent and long stretch into Soller.

We sat at a table, parked our bikes and enjoyed the tram passing through whilst waiting for Benny and Matt. We tried to order water, but the waitress saved us a few coins and told us to use the fountain, which we did.

Once we were all together again, we ordered chips, bread and Spaghetti Bolognese. Benny tried to order a water, and was told the same as us: there’s a fountain over there. He turned around to see the fountain, which had an enormous pigeon, fluffed up and cleaning itself in the fountain. “There’s a fucking bird in it!”, he said, to which we all burst out laughing. The waitress, who might not have understood the words that came out of Benny’s mouth, definitely understood the sentiment and laughed along with us before adding 1x water to the bill.

46 minutes

After lunch was the big boy. Puig Major, for the second time. I took it super easy at the start, keeping an eye on the segment start to save my matches. I passed Benny just before the start, and Matt about 1km up. It took a few miles to catch Harry and Nick, but once I did, they left me in the front. I had my head locked into my Garmin, telling me I was 1, 2, 3 then 4 minutes up on PB.

After a KM or so at that Pace, Nick dropped off – he’d been riding super strong all day, so it was a bit of a surprise! Although, I’m not sure he was suffering, just that he wasn’t as fixated on getting a PB for a hill he’d already ridden two days ago. I was chasing a PB from 3 years ago, by comparison, so felt like I had more to prove to myself.

At the top, just before Matt rolled up, we met a Canadian chap on a shiny blue with shiny silver bar tape, who was over here for 3 weeks – riding and being a tourist. It’s a long time to spend on a small island, but if you’re travelling from Canada, it checks out.

We rode the undulations past the orange shop hole-in-the-wall for a cake and continued to Col de Femenia for one final blasting descent.

Back at the Villa, I heard a shout of “Laurence, there’s a chap who doesn’t speak English here”. I went to the front door to find a bloke topping up our tyre with a giant electric pump. I introduced myself and thanked him for the help, but anything after that was a mystery to me. I knew “Coche”/car, but not pump, tyre, wheel, puncture, mechanic or anything remotely car maintenance tangential. We managed to communicate that he was just helping us so we could get it to a garage to fix it properly. We all thanked him with confident gracias, and then, the job of dismantling our personal belongings from the bikes began – Garmin mounts, multi tools, cadence sensors, speed sensors, bottles etc. We put our civvies on and scruffily rode down to the bike shop, where Harry (Who drove) met us.

Dropoff

The ever-so-charming mechanic who was busily fronting the bike shop took ours off us, whilst we shared 5x beers at Pro Cycle hire to reminisce on the trip. It was a quick turnaround after this. We waited for Benny to get a refund (or as it turns out, ended up getting charged another £20) for his unused extra bike hire booking, then headed home, quickly freshened up and changed, and back out to Port Pollenca for Paella, Tapas & 2L of Sangria at Ca’n Panxo. This was all for Matt’s Birthday, meaning we paid for it at the end and left him off the listing on our Settle Up kitty app.

As was now tradition, we headed to Cafe at 1919 for Ice cream. I opted for Creme Caramel and White Choc.

Friday 17th May

Our final day in Mallorca, but there’s no cycling today – the only consistent element of today was our 7 am getup and full breakfast spread, which by this point in the week we’d got down to a T. I started the oats & eggs, whilst others set the table in record time. We all wished Matt a happy birthday with a firm handshake and a promise of not having to do any chores. We had got him a banner, flashing candle and a card, but it was a bit of a bare-bones affair. We couldn’t find anywhere to hang the banner, so left it strewn across the table like a shiny tablecloth. We couldn’t find a pen, so Matt was presented with and opened a blank card. We didn’t get a cake, or anything that would be suitable to accept a candle, so at some point during breakfast I casually took it out of my pocket and put it in front of Matt. As blokey a birthday celebration as it gets. No frills, but plenty of thought (that counts).

We cleaned up, packed up, showered, brushed and did a final sweep of the villa before topping up the car tyre and hitting the road to Palma, which got us in just after half 10. We slid into an underground car park, which is very unassuming but the exit walks you straight out to overlook the Cathedral de Palma, which is quite a spectacle.

Palma tourists

Once in Palma, we went full cyclist – a coffee in the Rapha cafe, followed by a wander around the various cycling shops; Tan Lines, and Cafe du Cycliste.

We had a light lunch in Cafe Verde, then wandered around some more before finding a Gelato shop for old-time’s sake. It was nice to get a little taste of Palama, even if we didn’t see much.

We headed for the harbour, where enormous boats sat mostly vacant, and market stalls overlooked them. I scuttled off to get Pip some earrings as little travel presents from Rako & Maria Mensua (Fetdefang) before we called it a day and headed back to the car. We trudged over to the car hire centre via the petrol station (And air compressor) and dropped it off without a hitch. The inspection raised no flags, and Harry’s deposit fired its way back over to him.

At the airport, Harry had another lounge pass, so I joined him in there for a few nibbles and drinks. The flight was quick and easy – passport and luggage were lightning fast, and the car pickup went off without a hitch. Nick & I got dropped off first when I unloaded all my luggage on the floor and dropped Nick off before coming home to give Pip a proper hello!

She had chocolate buttons waiting for me when we switched gifts – I had some earrings for her and she’d gotten me a pigeon-watching book, of all things!

Wrap up

Total Stats from Saturday 11th – Sunday 19th May:

Type	Activites	Distance (m)	Elevation (ft)	Time
Rides	6	446.86	35,114	24h 51m
Runs	4	19.57	1,275	1h 33m
Walks	2	9.1	1,820	4h 57m
Totals	12	475.52	38,209	31h 21m